While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
