I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
