i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
