i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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