Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
