i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How does one acquire holy water?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
