I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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