Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
