Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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