I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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