My sheets look like a crime scene.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
