I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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