You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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