Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
