Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
3pm strippers are depressing
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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