We're facebook friends in real life
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
