he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
