I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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