guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
