I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
