Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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