CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
