I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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