i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize