sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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