I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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