I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
