I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
