I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize