it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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