ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
