dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
