His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
