It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize