My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
These tits shall not be calmed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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