I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
