i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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