Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
