So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
