I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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