just tell him i said nine months
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
high people should be assigned attendants
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
