weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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