Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
