Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
