just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
