it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
