No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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