my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
