ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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