I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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