your thong is hanging out like whoa
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
