Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
