we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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