Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
