I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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