Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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