Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
