My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
wow bdsm is so cute
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
