And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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