It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
