Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
