I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
