Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
