If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
