Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
