Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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