my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
