My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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