i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
