So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
