just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
