I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
