Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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