he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
