I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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