I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
