grandma shit on top of the toilet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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