And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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