my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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