that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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