she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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