Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
