Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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